if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize