I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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