craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
