I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
