I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
even my farts smell like vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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