True but thats because hes a fetus.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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