That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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