Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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