Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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