Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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