There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm passing your future prison.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
God, you're like boner-b-gone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
