do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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