so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
