Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
