I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
