He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
