You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
