I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
