3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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