The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
