am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
