Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
