I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize