mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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