you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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