I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
