is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
