there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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