whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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