so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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