so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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