you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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