So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
