90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
