Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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