Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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