Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
