I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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