That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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