i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
