His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
