Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
