Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
