Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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