Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it's like iHOP with fire
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is the high leading the old right now
being pregnant is like rehab
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
