i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's like iHOP with fire
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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