I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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