Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
