my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize