I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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