threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We are all done wearing pants today
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