babies were throwing up all over the place
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I would fuck him just for his dog
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
