You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
