why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
