i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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