Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
