I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
