Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
