i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize