My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
