we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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