Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
