Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
