Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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