Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
