Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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