Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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