Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Boobs are out for the taking
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
