you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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