He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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