Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize