U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
