drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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