i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
