I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
